Sex, Love, Exhibtionism

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Win some, lose some

[Originally posted on 7/20/13 on another host]

In my last post, I described putting up an ad looking for couples and how it led to a pleasant afternoon meeting. I mentioned, in passing, that I’d gotten more than one interesting response. I followed up with another one of those, and exchanged several e-mails with the husband of a married couple who were looking for a third. It really seemed to be a great fit–they were exactly what I was looking for (married, stable, educated, professional) and, as far as I could tell, I was the same for them. We agreed that I would meet the husband at a bar near their home last night, and if things went well, we’d head over to their place.

I certainly don’t mind being “pre-screened” by the husband alone. It doesn’t seem to be a terribly common practice, but I’ve done it before and had it go really well. It’s probably not the way I’d handle the situation (unless my partner really insisted), but if it works for them, that’s great.

So, I headed out to this bar he’d suggested, about a 40-minute drive from my place. I was trying to keep it in check, but I was feeling pretty optimistic. We’d exchanged a dozen or more e-mails, and we really seemed to be on the same wavelength. I honestly can’t remember ever going into a situation that looked like a better match “on paper.”

But, I got there and things just felt ever-so-slightly “off” pretty much from the very start. It was just a weird vibe. You’d think that when you’re meeting a person expressly to decide whether you’re going to go have sex (and you’re there in the first place because you want to find someone to go have sex with), there’d be a little warmth and friendliness in your demeanor. I didn’t really see a lot of that. Maybe it was nerves on his part, maybe I just instantly turned him off somehow; I don’t know. Whatever the case, the whole thing felt more to me like a (bad) job interview than a prelude to sex.

I hung in there as best I could, though. I may not always be Mr. Charming, but I can usually hold my own. We chatted over a couple of drinks. He was texting with his wife the whole time, which, under the circumstances, I totally get and was fine with. Through the process, I’d gone from optimism to concern to “this isn’t going to happen” and back to “maybe there’s a shot….” After about an hour, he said something to the effect of “Sorry, not going to work out.” I paid, wished him well, and walked out. (How’s that for a walk of shame? Leaving the bar when you’ve been declined for a threesome.)

Ugh. I will tell you, that was not a positive self-esteem experience, to say the least. Of course, everyone is perfectly free to back out of an encounter at any point and for any reason. In no way am I implying that their actions made either of them “bad” people. And I know that you have to accept this as part of the process. Nonetheless, it made me feel pretty gross. Just to belabor a point: I’ve never gone into a situation that seemed like a better fit.

I’ve only had one other experience where I’ve actually physically met with a couple and then had them decide not to go forward. That was a different kind of situation because I expected going in that sex that night wasn’t on the table. But here, despite my intention of keeping my optimism guarded, I went into this one looking at it as something of a formality (“Yes, you have no deformities and are otherwise as you presented yourself to be, now let’s go fuck my wife.”)

By the best of my recollection, out of the last five couples I’ve physically met, three of them have been bad-to-terrible experiences, in which zero total orgasms were had by me. That’s…not a great track record.

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Posted on Saturday, July 27 2013. Tagged with: failfirstmeeting

Sex, Love, Exhibtionism The trials, tribulations, and occasional orgasms of a pretty normal guy
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